


Very Final

by atomicmayo



Series: Dewmie Fictober 2019 Fills [7]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Costume Parties & Masquerades, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Matchmaking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-27 08:56:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20945702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atomicmayo/pseuds/atomicmayo
Summary: From the Fictober 2019 Prompt: "No, and that's final." Bill completely, totally and absolutely refuses to go to the Delmarva Mayors' Association Masquerade Ball. Totally. Really.





	Very Final

"No, and that’s final," Bill snapped at whoever was on the other end of the line. He spat out few terse yeses and a single ‘goodbye’ before jabbing the touchscreen on his phone to disconnect the call.

"That’s never quite as satisfying as slamming down a receiver," he said to himself. He sighed and took a sip of his coffee.

Jamie stood near the soda machine. Steven and Connie sat at one of the plastic tables at the far end of the shop. All three of them were staring at Bill over paper cups and sticky donuts, seeming to lean in towards the counter expectantly. Properly nosy, like any good inhabitants of a small town.

"What was that?" Jamie asked with a polite sip of his own coffee, finally breaking the silence. Bill groaned and waved his hands dismissively as he tried to form the words.

"There’s this charity masquerade ball through the Delmarva Mayors’ Association that I used to volunteer for every year. They called Mayor Nanefua already but she isn’t available that day," Bill explained, "they let former mayors attend as well, so I was next on their list," he finished, rolling his eyes.

Jamie had trouble processing human speech after the phrase ‘masquerade ball’. His pupils shrank like he had just been thrust into the scorching light of an arcane deity.

"Masquerade ball," he repeated, doing his best to stop himself from imploding, "like, fancy place?"

"Fancy dancing?" Connie asked as her eyes lit up.

"Fancy outfits?" Steven added with a wide grin.

"Yes, all those," Bill squeaked; a tiny kazoo providing the climax to a great fanfare.

"I can't believe you turned them down like that - it sounds great!" Steven tilted back in his chair, daydreaming as gaudily as his brain would permit him.

"Why did you tell them no?" Connie asked.

Bill blinked at her in a mild panic, faintly wondering if he accidentally put something in the frosting that morning. He replied as if it were obvious, "because I would be a laughing stock if I went?"

Bill glanced at Jamie for an anxious second and rubbed the back of his neck. Disappointment had began flooding into Jamie's face, his expression begging for an explanation louder then words ever could. 

"I volunteered there because I always went alone. When I was mayor, I felt it was my duty to represent the town, even if I couldn't find a date. So, year after year, I’d dress up, go to the ball and then help with valet or coat check all night," he searched around his workspace to avoid looking into their faces, eventually starting to wipe down an already pristine countertop.

"Beach City doesn’t exactly have the best reputation, either," he mumbled, sweeping invisible donut crumbs off the counter with the cleaning rag and into his hand, "the longer I was mayor, the more I seemed to put off the other guests each year, and, well, now I’m not even mayor! I work--"

He spread his arms out and gestured to the shop with the rag still in his hand, "--here," he finished, letting his arms despondently flop back to his sides, "and while _I_ like it, a bunch of upper-crust political types would think it’s quite a step down - going from mayor to... donut boy," he sighed.

"So, you’d go there having a job they all think is beneath them," Connie started.

"With no date," Jamie continued, looking at Bill sadly.

"Being from the weirdest town in Delmarva," Steven finished miserably, feeling ill from all the fat and sugar - and just a little responsible for the town's reputation.

They all sat in a glum, post-donut ingesting silence for a few seconds until Connie abruptly stood up and smacked the table with both hands in a way that made everyone jump.

"Maheswaran, careful with the table, please--" Bill started.

"Mr. Dewey," she interrupted him with gusto, "call whoever that was back and tell them you’ll be there!" She commanded, looking half ready to flip the table and send milky coffee and napkins flying.

"What?!" Bill squawked.

She pushed on, "_and_ tell them you’re bringing a plus one! Steven and I are finding you a date!"

Bill felt his throat begin to collapse in on itself, sputtering, "I beg your pardon!"

"All we ask is you let us volunteer! And get a little time to have fun ourselves! We can take care of the valet and coat check!" She frowned with intense determination and clung to Steven's hand, waiting for Bill's response. Steven smiled and nodded vigorously. Bill stared at the two hopeful, starry-eyed teenagers and exactly one heart string was pulled. Through all the years of hard-nosed lies and obfuscation, a little cuteness always did him in.

"...I suppose the worst that can happen is I am once again found the laughing stock of a large group of people," Bill reasoned, "all right, I'll give it a shot."

Steven and Connie practically screamed with delight. Morale in the room seemed to improve dramatically, until they noticed Jamie staring down into his paper coffee cup.

"Can't say I'm not envious! I always wanted to go to a masquerade ball. All the mystery, romance - drama!" he sighed dreamily and was about to keep going, but quickly curbed himself and stared at the floor, finishing with, "sounds wonderful."

Stars began violently twinkling in Steven's eyes. He stared back and forth between Bill and Jamie enough times to where whiplash appeared imminent.

"Mr. Dewey, what would you say to having a charming young actor as your date for the evening?" Steven asked with an eyebrow wiggle.

Jamie flinched as if a pane of glass shattered behind him. Bill's eyes widened to the size of car tires - pink cheeks rapidly shifted to tomato red.

"Steven!" Jamie hissed. Bill at least _sounded_ surprisingly calm.

"To put it bluntly Jamie, I'm afraid of who else they might find for me if I say no to you," Bill chuckled, with only just a touch of nervousness. The only alternatives he could think of immediately were Barb and Steven's father - both near-catastrophic options for a black tie event.

Bill cleared his throat after a moment, "If you're willing to go along with this little game, that is."

Jamie quickly reclaimed his jaw from the floor to use it to speak. "I definitely will! I mean, go with you, yes. Y-you don’t have to think of it as an actual date if you don’t want to, I…" Jamie trailed off, holding a wad of napkins to his chest.

Bill's tried his best to remain cool, but cheerful - businesslike. He even gave a nonchalant little shrug as he explained, "you’ll make me look good and you'll get to go to the masquerade ball you always wanted to attend," he smiled, optimistic, "seems like a deal to me."

Jamie seemed disarmed. He returned the smile and shook Bill's offered hand. "Deal."

"Perfect!" Connie clapped her hands together, "and now you’ve got a date! Jamie’s acting ability is second to none - he’ll make your perfect boyfriend for the evening!"

While Jamie would normally find all the compliments flattering, he stepped a little closer to Bill to add, "I get I'm probably not what you ideally had in mind for arm candy, but thank you."

"Don't sell yourself short, Jamie," Bill replied without thinking and Connie and Steven both 'ooo'd in unison. Bill and Jamie had the decency to mutually blush and stammer as Bill grabbed his phone and called back the organizer.

**Author's Note:**

> Dewey must call Connie 'Maheswaran' because he calls Steven 'Universe' a lot and Dewey calling Stevonnie 'Universwaran' is weirdly my favorite Dewey headcanon of all.


End file.
